30 August 2010

Secret 38

I question my motives for doing things over and over again, but half the time, I end up not doing anything.

29 August 2010

Secret 37

Sometimes I wonder if my emotions are really mine, or if they're just imitations of what other people feel.

28 August 2010

27 August 2010

Secret 35

I'm not actually shy, just introverted. I'm not afraid of crowds, I just don't like them.

26 August 2010

24 August 2010

23 August 2010

22 August 2010

21 August 2010


A week ago, my grandfather died.  He was a classic Southern gentleman, though like us all, he had his faults.

I only met him once, but I liked him a lot; I felt a kinship with the gruff man I first saw in California.I can recognize his humor, his mannerisms, even some of his expressions in Dad and me. And now he's gone.

Grandad was an officer in the United States Armed Forces. He was involved in the NIKE missile defense systems during the Cold War - he had fantastic aim. But he ended up alienating many people during his career.

Now that he's died, people who avoided him for years have come out of the woodwork. Not out of sentimentality. Not because they liked him, or he liked them. No. Because he had stuff.

Who gets his truck? Where's the will? What about that bank account? The trailer? His guns? Whose the inheritor?

I get that they're family. I get that his daughter should be provided for. I even get that his wife is still legally married to him, and thus should benefit from his death.

But it's disgraceful, dishonorable, wrong. Bickering over the effects of a dead man the way vultures might fight over a piece of carrion is shameful, vulgar, contemptible. Like magpies jousting over a piece of dirty aluminum foil.

To see my relatives care more about the physical objects Grandad left behind rather than the man himself makes me cringe. I loved my Grandad, and to see him diminished to the value of a trailer full of stuff breaks my heart. And I hate it.


Secret 29

It means more than you'll ever know to be included in a group.

19 August 2010

Secret 27

I'm afraid my insecurities will frighten away potential friends.

(insecurity alert)

18 August 2010

14 August 2010

Secret 22

I don't want to grow up because adults seem to have lost all their creativity. They've become brittle, unchangeable, not malleable, and stagnant.

13 August 2010

12 August 2010

Secret 20

I'm cynical because if I can believe other people aren't what they seem to be, I don't feel so bad.

09 August 2010

08 August 2010

04 August 2010

Secret 12

I don't talk to you as often as I want because I don't want to frighten you away.

03 August 2010

Secret 11

I'm scared no one would be friends with me if I let my guard down.

01 August 2010

Secret 10

Sometimes, the only lights at the end of the tunnel I can see are oncoming trains.