18 October 2010

I can assure this was going to be a scintillating look into my psyche. But it won't come out. I've run out of words to describe things now. So you'll have to bear with me as I bang on this keyboard, trying to make sense of it all.

First of, I should apologize to you, my reader, for turning this blog into little more than a vaguely worded personal journal. That was not my intent. When you have something you want to tell someone but cannot tell anyone, everyone is forced to deal with it. You've been subjected to far more navel-gazing than ever permissible. And if you've stuck through it, I am both humbled and penitent.

As for the reasons behind all this frustration and angst, I can't go into that. You're probably thinking something about the state of my sanity, and whatever it is, I'd probably agree.

Gah. I don't know.

I just don't have the words. They've gone. Shriveled. Disappeared. And with it, any hope of mine to explain to anyone anything that's going on with me. There's so much I could say, but won't. And that leaves very little of anything else.

Worse still, I owe it to a few people to tell them something inexpressible. What do I do? Walk up and drown these acquaintances with a torrent of words, emotions and problems they could care less about? That's not going to happen. Even if I were a thousand times worse, I wouldn't forget that other people exist and have their own problems.

The question still remains. What can I do about it? Nothing. All I can do is hope to weather this, that this too shall pass, and that I'll last longer than the ones I need to be strong for.

And if this post lasts past tomorrow, I shall be most surprised.
B, wordless


  1. This big brother says you ought to lean back in your chair and contemplate what you would say to someone who dumped that sort of ocean of emotion onto you without asking?

    If your reaction would be to think nothing of the "intrusion" because you cared more about that person and what they had to share.....

    .....then why do you think that other people would be so merciless with you?

    And if you WOULD consider it an imposition for someone to come cry on your shoulder, then I haven't got a response to that.

    But somehow I suspect you wouldn't respond like that.

  2. Yes. Other people have problems. That's what friends are for. It's fine if you can't express whatever it is that you're going through, been there, done that, but there's no need to feel guilty for wanting to. Or just wanting someone to be there.
    I care about you. I want to be there for you. Please don't cut yourself off because you think you have to be strong and you don't have the right, because you do. <3

    Also, what he said ^

  3. Galatians 6:2 says we should share each other's burdens. It's something we all have trouble with, dishing out all our problems on other people, but it's how we build each other up. Trusting other people is one of the hardest things to do, especially for me. But, every time I work up the courage to show someone the broken parts of me, God always intervenes and uses that honesty to help me.

  4. You've got some great friends...