Every Tuesday, I walk to the library. There, I spend an hour or so browsing through periodicals, books, encyclopaedias, and other resources in preparation for extemporaneous club and debate. This usually brings me into contact with the other patrons of the library. A couple times now, I've had to explain "why I'm not in school." It doesn't bother me too much, but the various comments I have to bite back when questioned do. So this post is going to be great! It'll only be the punch lines, not the buildup. Ready? Here we go.
1. No, I do not know your cousin's daughter who homeschools in Virginia.
2. No, I don't want to communicate with your cousin's daughter in Virgina.
3. Just because there's a 'home' in homeschool doesn't mean I spend my time there.
4. Just because there's a 'school' in homeschool doesn't mean I need 10 hours a day to get my learning done.
5. No, I don't own a copy of the Constitution.
6. No, I don't have the Declaration of Independence memorized.
7. Keeping a bunch of teenagers racing with hormones in close contact with each other five days of the week doesn't count as socialization.
8. Why, yes! I have lots of friends. You just can't see them.
9. No, I don't like, eat, like, icecream? for like, you know, breakfast?
10. Don't look so surprised. It's not like every homeschool family is large.
11. Not all homeschoolers school the way your cousin's daughter in New York does.
12. Have you ever heard of autodidactic tendencies? No? Go look it up and then ask me that again.
13. Prom? You mean, there's socializing? I'm sorry, as a backward, fundamentalist homeschooler, I don't think it's alright for guys and girls to be in the same room as each other, let alone talking to one another!
14. You've completely convinced me. I now firmly believe that after living a long, full, life, doing a job that I love, pursuing knowledge, after finding adventures everywhere, after marrying the man of my dreams; I believe that I'll look back on my life and say that the one thing I regret is not having had a boyfriend throughout high school because it really would have made my life complete.
15. I agree, I don't sound like other kids my age. Do you have a problem with that?
16. No, no. No offense taken. My fundamentalist, wack-job friends from the vast right-wing conspiracy will never know.
17. Now that you're done, can I quiz your kid about everything they've learned at school?
18. Yes, these are, in fact, pants. You're not hallucinating.
19. Oi! Don't disrespect the van!
20. This conversation was scintillating, I'm sure, but much like a chanson de geste, it has waxed loquacious and time itself is fleeting.
Thanks! You have no idea how good it felt to just release some of the pent-up sarcasm. I can now go back and continue my polite, non-committal conversations.
You know, it's getting so bad I'm considering just calling myself "library schooled" and leaving it at that.