I had a landmark birthday last month. I was asked if I felt like I was my new age. The funny thing was, it felt no different than the year before, and the year before had felt like the one before that, which, in turn, resembled strongly the year before that. However, this birthday, I definitely feel older than two, three, four, or five years ago.
Five years ago, I was holding conversations with other girls using only the word 'hi!' Not too much has changed, (but the word is now 'death!') except now I know what subtext is, and can have a real conversation using subtext alone. Four years ago, I was in the middle of exuberant puppyhood. Three years ago, I realized how lame it was getting crushes on people and forswore it completely as 'yucky.' Today, I acknowledge there is a time and a place for it, but now is not that time. Two years ago, I made myself introverted. In the present time, I struggle to reverse the process. And last year was ... a learning experience, shall we say. This year, I have realized what I learned.
Through this short timeline, it's fairly easy to see that I've matured as a person. The funny thing is that it feels like maturity ambushed me one day and gave me no warning, and yet, it doesn't feel like one day I woke up and suddenly had a new measure of it. Before I was in double-digits, I always wanted to be 'grown up,' but now that I'm on my way, I'm not so sure about it anymore. To put it frankly, some days I feel like a little kid in a big kid's mind, and I want out. *sigh*
Help me if you can, but I want to get back to the days of Christopher Robin and Pooh. ;) This is the first in a series of three related posts.
Another amusing fact: this is my fiftieth post. There will be cake.